In Thanksgiving for the Life of
Eve Berry
Grace Church, Martha’s Vineyard
June 23, 2007
Wisdom 3:1-5, 9; Psalm 23; Ecclesiastes 3:1-8; John 11:21-27
Let us pray. “Transforming God: Lay your sacred hands on all the common things and small interests of our lives; bless, change, and transfigure them and in them give us your very self; in the name of your Beloved, our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen (Evelyn Underhill)
Memories of Eve Lear Berry, as written by her family:
Eve was born in Prescott, near Hull, in England July 27, 1921. She was the youngest surviving child of Mabel Tomlinson Compton Lear and Valentine Lear.
Her mother, Mabel, was the daughter of an English Vicar (village priest) and was brought up in proper English tradition. Her father was Valentine Lear, the son of Sam Lear, one of the first English gypsies to settle down and become a land owner. He had a farm in Hull and was a horse trader. Mabel first married a Dr. Compton and had three children. Dr. Compton died and somewhere she met Valentine Lear, who had lost his wife. They combined their families and had three more of their own, one of whom, Sam, did not survive. Eve always spoke of life on the farm with very happy memories. She used to ride Jimmy Lamb like a horse, (and there are pictures of this in the parish hall), and had many older siblings to attend to her every need. Despite her happy memories, there were problems with the marriage of Mabel and Valentine, and Mabel took most of the children and moved into the town of Hull when Eve was 5 years old. Eve attended a parochial school. She did very well in school and was in line to receive a scholarship to university, but WWII was looming and her older sister’s husband, who was with British Intelligence, was concerned that Hull would be heavily bombed as it was a port city. He bought a small thatched cottage, named Mistletoe, (picture in parish hall, and which, by later coincidence, is the state flower of Oklahoma) in a small village outside of Newbury, Berkshire, where Mabel and all children still at home moved. Eve finished her education, but lost out on the possibility of a scholarship and began working at the Midland Bank in Newbury where she became the executive secretary to the president. There she met a lifelong friend, Jean Kingdom, now Bernath, while working at the bank. She rode a bicycle to the train station commuting to her job. There were few cars or rations for petrol during the war.
Mabel invited many soldiers to her home for home cooked meals and family life in Inkpen. She, and most British citizens, was very appreciative of the help of the United States armed forces. Eve met Master Sergeant Norman Curtis Berry of Hobart, Oklahoma at a dance while he was stationed at Greenham, Lodge. Curt was with the Army’s Signal Corps and helped re-wire the train communications in England while waiting for deployment on D-Day. He was in the second wave and saw many dead soldiers when he came ashore. There he strung wires behind enemy lines, all over Europe, running with a wire coil through the bushes behind the truck and laying out communications for forward emplacements. He was in the Battle of the Bulge, alerted the command about a German Panzer (Tank) movement, which saved many lives, cleaned out a concentration camp at the end of the war and received a Bronze Star for Valor under Fire. After the war, Curt returned home and resettled in Oklahoma City, secured a position at Liberty National Bank, proposed to Eve and sent for her. He had planned to take Eve directly to a Justice of the Peace, but she insisted on a proper wedding. On December 1, 1946, they were married at St. John’s Episcopal Church complete with long wedding gown and a flower girl. Their first apartment was in one of Oklahoma City’s few skyscrapers, the Skirvin Towers, this in the days before air conditioning. Eve reported losing 40 pounds during her first year in Oklahoma City.
Eve worked for a while at business called Collins Dietz as a secretary. Her first child, Anna Marie, was born in 1949. A few years later, Nina Clare was born and a few years later, Norman Curtis Berry, Jr. was born. Quite a few years later Donald John Berry was born. (Do see pictures in the parish hall). Eve always made life interesting and fun. Donny was arriving at a particularly difficult time for Eve and Curt financially, as Curt’s business was not doing well, (he had left the banking business and bought his own business, The Thrifty Store, sort of a general store, but the neighborhood changed to a less affluent one and the business struggled). Yet when Eve announced to her three oldest children that they were about to have a new sibling, she told them something very special was going to happen in the family and then made them guess what that was. It was fun, mysterious and exciting, just the way Eve thought life should be lived.
Donny arrived, and life continued to be a struggle financially. Eve decided to take all four children to see her mother who had a stroke and had never seen any of them, and to meet her other relatives. The most inexpensive way to travel with such a group at the time was to take a small freight boat. The crossing on the SS Bassano took 12 days at sea, and a number of days in ports prior to leaving. Donny, who was 9 months old, didn’t take well to the changes and cried and cried. One of the ship’s mates suggested that a little rum in his bottle might help the situation. Donny slept for nearly a day and seemed ok after that. Donny reports that he has never been seasick again since the Rum treatment, though he has cried on occasion. Nina had an asthma attack from the grain being delivered into the hull of the boat and had to be taken to a physician. Despite those problems and at least three days of seasickness, all survived, and Eve did some teaching while on board, helping the three oldest children create a journal of the trip. It was an adventurous trip, and meeting the English relatives was a great experience. Anna, Nina and Curtis all attended English schools. After many months, Eve and children returned to Curt and Oklahoma City. Eve made life out in the country, in a strange little red house, during the worst of financial times, fun and an adventure. There were walks in the woods, finding a Bobcat paw print, raising bunnies and hanging out with Pop, an old man who lived in a log cabin on his daughter’s land, who was a great gardener and story teller and whittler. He helped Eve rock Donny in the rocking chair when no one else could handle him.
Eve eventually took a job at Tinker Air Force Base in Midwest City, first as a secretary and later doing what was called, cataloguing, data entry for all the parts of a B-52 bomber. The city decided to put a road through Curt’s business and he cashed out. He also began working at Tinker Air Force Base on the evening shift monitoring technical aspects of refrigeration rooms there. He also began buying houses, fixing them up, with the help of my brother Curtis, and then selling them. Life improved and all four children went off to college etc. Eve retired from Tinker in 1976.
Curt died in 1991 after suffering the effects of a major stroke for about 8 years, and after several heart attacks. Eve took excellent care of Curt, whose major disability was that he could only say a few words, though he could understand everything. Eve also was a breast cancer survivor. After Curt’s death, Eve was free to travel, and she did. She called up Anna one morning to announce that she was leaving for England, that morning, and that she no doubt would not be returning for at least a year. She helped with a niece’s wedding, sewing bridesmaids’ dresses (she was quite good at sewing and frequently made Anna and Nina’s dresses, usually identical, for church. –more pictures- She also, with the help of Ann Bassett here on the island, sewed the slipcovers for her daybed and wing tip chair for her apartment at Havenside, no simple undertaking) and doing all the flower arrangements for the wedding. She also helped another niece care for her mother, Eve’s half sister Marjory Compton Twist who was weakened by heart disease. She did return home in time to be with her old boxer George, who had cancer and survived the year with Curtis and family, but hung on until Eve arrived back home.
Eve also called up Anna to announce that she was off to Alaska on an Elder Hostel Adventure. Anna just hoped that she would not be called upon to go and rescue Eve from Alaska after some illness or accident. As it turned out, Eve had a wonderful time there learning all about Alaska and meeting the people. She tried to go on some other Elder Hostel trips, but various illnesses and hospitalizations prevented that. Eve loved to travel and did so whenever possible. Curt always used to say that Eve would go to hell if only someone would pay the fare. He also used to say about her, that she could not find her way out of a paper bag. Though this was surely true, somehow, she always managed.
Eve also was a very good grandmother, helping Curtis with his young family and adding a wonderful influence to their lives. She was also very involved and helpful to other relatives in Oklahoma. She was an excellent daughter-in-law and well loved by Curt’s family. Large family gatherings were frequently held at Eve’s home. She was an excellent hostess, and the events were always fun and well organized. She always seemed to have very good neighbors, perhaps because she was a very good neighbor herself. She was very religious. The church was always very important to her. She volunteered at the Red Cross, helping those who lost everything in fires. She was well-trained in disaster relief, and continued to help the Red Cross on Martha’s Vineyard. She also took Spanish classes and writing classes and was quite good at poetry. Some of her poems were published, and she won awards for some of them. She was an avid reader and did not think much of television, though she did enjoy Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and watching Tiger Woods in golf matches. She always believed there was no excuse for someone being bored, they were simply not doing enough if that was the case.
A few years after Curt died, Eve was persuaded to take a look at Havenside Apartments in Vineyard Haven, Massachusetts. Her daughter Anna was on the board and thought Eve should begin to consider what she might do if she were at some point unable to drive. Oklahoma City has a huge land area, and not great public transportation. So Eve reluctantly consented to looking at one of the apartments. It seemed nice, but she was not convinced that this would be for her. Anna persuaded her to at least put her name on the waiting list, and if she did not want to move there she could simply say no when her name came up on the waiting list. Five years later, Eve’s name was nearing the top of the list and she was given a call asking her if she was serious about moving to Havenside. She had looked around Oklahoma City for a suitable place to move, but could never beat what Havenside had to offer. Nina talked to Eve about the advantages of moving, and eventually she decided she really did not want to continue to update her house, and she made the decision to move to Havenside. This was a huge move, and some, especially her son-in-law John Alley, were skeptical that she could successfully make the transition. No doubt Eve had some reservations, but she had already survived the huge change from England to Oklahoma City quite successfully, plus she was always very brave and adventurous, and so she moved.
Everyone had reservations when, while packing up to move to the Vineyard, she tripped over the ramp of the moving van and fell off her porch onto the cement driveway and broke her right femur!!! We wondered if someone was trying to tell us something. She did survive that injury, though it took about three months before she was able to travel. Many friends and relatives in Oklahoma looked after her, and she arrived, still on crutches, on the Vineyard in June of 1998 with Gail Dryer, a woman who had helped her with housekeeping in Oklahoma and who helped get her set up at apt. D-2 at Havenside.
Life at Havenside was wonderful. Her wonderful neighbor Hazel McCormack and her superior gardening skills was immediately a great friend. Other friends and neighbors like Jan McCawley, Edi Brown, Kathy Piper, Polly Renear, Doris Gregory and others shared Eve’s love of games, mahjong, scrabble, Rumicub etc,. Tom Brennan frequently gave her a ride to the SSA to catch the medivan for many trips to Boston doctors, and occasionally joined in on the games. She enjoyed the company of Tom Thatcher, Eleanor Hoar and the Happy Hour gang, and a few neighbors who have left Havenside. She quickly made herself available to the Red Cross and volunteered at the Thrift Shop for Community Services and helped out at her church with Friday afternoon Lobster Rolls. She traveled up to West Tisbury Council on Aging to have lunch and play some very serious scrabble games. She also ventured down to Edgartown where Mahjong was played, but eventually moved the games to her apartment every Monday, Saturday and occasionally Sunday afternoons, where she taught, or tried to teach the rules to many of us.
Despite numerous medical problems, Eve also took up Tai Chi and loved walking on the beaches and all over the island. It is still hard to realize that she is gone, as she was so much a part of all of our lives. She will certainly be missed by many. We are all grateful for our time with her.
Following this service, we will have a little lunch, nothing fancy – no cutlery required, some time to talk, and then, for those who wish to stay and join us, we will be playing some of Eve’s favorite games, if someone can help us remember the rules which she knew so well. Curtis and Donny and Eve's son-in-law, Dr. Dieter Pohl and her grandson Nick may be playing some of their instruments and singing. Do join in. If you don’t have time to stay, just grab a sandwich and a treat and go off to do your life as Eve would want you to do. There are also some pictures around for you to see. Thank you all for coming to help us celebrate Eve’s life. She would be with us today, especially since there is lunch and games to follow, save for the fact that her body simply gave out on her. One of the last things she told Anna was that, “This is boring. I can’t do what I want to do.” Anna thinks that Eve had a word with God and said, “Come on, get me out of this mess.” It was done, and very gently, thankfully.
Which brings us to where we are today. We have come together to mourn Eve’s death and her going from us, but more importantly to celebrate her life. As we do this, we heard read to a short while ago a portion of a story in which Jesus himself came into a setting very similar to this one.
The scene is familiar to most of us. It is, first of all, a setting of sadness. People grieving over the death of a loved one. There are happy memories to be sure, but there is the pervading sadness of knowing that Lazarus is gone. And gone too soon.
It is also a setting of companionship. Mary and Martha are Lazarus’ sisters who are in mourning, but they are not alone in their grief…they are surrounded by friends. Many friends – some were neighbors and lived near them in their little town of Bethany, and others had traveled some distance to be with them in their sorrow. Then, just as now, friends cannot make our sadness go away, but they can go through it with us, and there is great comfort in that fact.
It is a setting of sadness, it is a setting of companionship, but it is also a setting of faith. Mary, Martha and their dead brother Lazarus were all friends of Jesus. The believed in him. They called him “Lord.” In fact, they believed in him so certainly that they were persuaded that he could have healed their brother had he been there. They had hoped that Jesus would get their in time…but he did not. Instead, it was now four days since their brother had died, when Martha received word that Jesus was arriving. He was on the outskirts of town and she hurried off to meet him. Mary, meanwhile, remained inside the house, surrounded by her friends.
A short while later, Martha returned to the house from meeting Jesus. She hurries into the house, where she whispers to her sister that Jesus was there and eager to see her. At that, Mary got up from where she had been sitting, hurried out of the house and ran to Jesus. But the Gospel writer reports that “the Jews then which were with her in the house, and comforted her, when they saw Mary, that she rose up hastily and went out, followed her, saying, ‘She is going to the grave to weep there’” (John 11:31). That is the natural assumption of those who were gathered around Mary to offer their comfort and support. We can see how wrong they were. When Mary rose and hurried from the house, people naturally assumed that they knew where she was going. After all, to their limited way of thinking, there was only once place for a grieving relative to go. But no…she did not go to the grave…she went to Jesus.
The old custom and tradition was that following the funeral liturgy, we would all go with the family to the cemetery…many to weep there. But that is not now, nor has it ever been where Christians go first. First we go to the church. We do not go to a grave to weep. We go first to Jesus.
Both Martha and Mary said the same thing to Jesus when they went to greet him. “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (vv. 21 & 32). It is the very first thing that Martha said when she saw Jesus…a short time later it was the first thing that Mary said when she saw him.
I suspect that the identical remarks reveal what the sisters had already been saying to one another during the four previous days. But also during the days prior when Lazarus was still alive, but growing more ill with the passage of time, no doubt saying to one another, “If only Jesus would get here, then he could and would make our brother well again.” After Lazarus’ death, in those profoundly sad and disappointing days, that had changed to, “If only Jesus would have been here, then he would not have died.”
Mary and Martha were rightly convinced of Jesus’ power to heal a sick body. What they did not realize at the time was his power to raise the dead.
In her conversation with Jesus, Mary states that she did in fact believe in a general resurrection – an event which she believed would occur on “the last day” – at the end of time. She believed that Lazarus would rise to life again at that time. But Jesus clarifies for her, and for us, that resurrection is not to be found in a day or in an event, but in a person. “I am the resurrection and the life,” Jesus says. (Verse 25).
And this is our affirmation of faith and belief today in spite of our grief: that Eve, while gone from this world, has found new life with her Lord and Savior, that she lives again and will live forever. And the really Good News in this is that we will all of us be reunited with her once again. For she has not gone to the grave. She has gone to Jesus.
There is a short saying, author unknown that perhaps says it more clearly:
We trust that beyond absence, there is a presence. That beyond the pain there can be healing. That beyond the brokenness, there can be wholeness. That beyond the anger, there may be peace. That beyond the hurting, there may be forgiveness. That beyond the silence, the may be the Word. That beyond the Word there may be understanding. That through understanding, there is love. (Author Unknown) Amen.